One day, when I still stayed in Cape Town back in 2016, I went to Gqeberha for the holiday, to visit my family. I was excited to see my family again and to be able to visit some friends again, I decided to go paint the city red, and invited a friend of mine, who I knew back then to go with me to Summerstrand beach.

We walk on the pier and were chatting about life, suddenly 5 meters away from the beach waves there was a group of people and they had their cellphone lights lit, like little stars shining, in a circle they stood and slowly the circle became a heart and there were a few alphabet letters on posters spelling the words; “Will you Marry Me”. It looked so sweet but also scary, in the sense of, when will you be ready to marry and be with someone forever? Lucky the girl said yes and there were shouts of joy. The audience was happy for them.

My friend and I continued walking on the pier and next to the beachfront and talked about life, surprisingly, the conversation we had also happened to be around dating and marriage in general. We both were at the age where we could start thinking about marriage. I particularly was not ready for such a talk, I went through a stage where I stopped dating because I never stayed in one city for a long time, so I saw no point in it, I was always moving around, I loved the adventures of traveling and seeing new sceneries, and honestly felt a relationship would hold me back from doing that.

What I mean by stop dating, is the fact that I was not ready to get into any relationships especially not something that will require me to be in a long-distance relationship. A few years before this conversation with a friend of mine, I had a breakup with my ex-girlfriend, which was my longest relationship yet. The break-up did not go well and ever since that time, I was super careful not to break anyone’s heart. Whenever there are just the tiniest of feelings between me and someone I would rather throw water on the fire instead of cheering it on. At some point, some girls thought that I just didn’t like them but little did they know I just had trust issues and commitment issues.

Whenever I tell people I have not dated in a very long time they are usually shocked to a point where they think it’s not normal. My cousin even thought that something was wrong and that I was not into girls, he was wrong, I just haven’t found the right girl yet, the pressure from society on the other hand that I should have a kid by now and be married, I guess each person do life at their time, if you not ready yet for such big commitments, then it doesn’t mean that you must give in to the stereotypes and pressure of society.

In the past, my dating life was blooming like flowers on the grass, when the first days of the spring season hit. What happened from almost always having my Facebook status changed from “In a relationship” to now “Single” I certainly think it’s a bit of maturity that hit me. Very weird, because I was always so immature in almost all the relationships back then.

I had a drive with my friend to Potchestroom the other day and I told him that I am at that stage of my life where I just want one person who I can trust and share my life with, I’m way past the; let’s meet, let’s date, let’s break up, stage in my life. I used to believe in love at first sight before until most of that belief was shattered by past experiences.

I’m glad you read up until this far, the advice is coming soon.

This morning while scrolling through Instagram I saw one of those motivational reels. I believe this reel describes my love life the best and I think it is the best advice I got for Marriage ever since my talk with a friend of mine on the pier that evening. It summarizes perfectly why over the years, I have continuously turned people down and decided not the date.

The transcript of the reel goes as follows:

Click to watch the video: Instagram Video 



Of course, we are all different as people and we all have our views when it comes to marriage and dating. But if you are not ready to let your partner know that you want to marry them, then in ultimate you should not date them in the first place.

Relations require a lot of effort, trust, and love. Breaking up with someone 3 years down the line, because you now realized that you are not in it anymore is a painful process and broken hearts take a long time to heal. Do not waste anyone’s time, if you going to cheat or break their heart.

This quite summarizes why over the last few years I have kept myself busy with work and blogging and avoided relationships.

Marriage and dating should not be a gamble!

 

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